Milpitas Mom's Favorite Jokes

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Computer Language For Non-Computer Users

 Log On

Makin' the wood stove hotter.

 Log Off

Don't add any more wood.

 Monitor

Keep an eye on the wood stove.

 Download

Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.

 Mega Hertz

When yer not careful downloadin' (watch th' toes).

 Floppy Disk

Whatcha get from pilin' too much firewood.

 Disk Operating System

The equipment the Doc uses when you have a floppy disk.

 RAM

The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work.

 Hard Drive

Gettin' home in mud season.

 Prompt

What you wish the mail was in mud season.

Windows

What to shut when it's 50 degrees, and that's real cold in Milpitas!

 Screen

What you need for black fly season.

 Byte

What black flies do.

 Chip

What to munch on.

 Micro Chip

What's left in the bag when the chips are gone.

 Infrared

Where the leftovers go when Fred's around.

 Modem

What you did to the hay fields.

 Dot Matrix

John Matrix's wife.

 Printer

Someone who can't write in cursive.

 Lap Top

Where little kids feel comfy.

 Keyboard

Where you hang your keys.

 Software

Them plastic eatin' utensils.

 486

One of them fancy imported cars.

 Mouse

What eats the horses' grain in the barn.

 Main Frame

The part of the barn that holds the roof up.

 Port

Fancy wine.

 Enter

C'mon in!

 Random Access Memory

When you suddenly can't remember how much that new rifle costs when your wife asks.

Digital 

Like those numbers that flip on your alarm clock.

 Apple

If you don't know what an apple is, I ain't tellin'.

 Program

What's on the TV when TCI has reception.

 CD ROM

The place in the back where they sell retirement accounts.