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On the Job
Fun Things To Do While Driving With
Driving with kids getting you down? Try these to spice up
your trip while on the road.
- Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.
- Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.
- At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously.
With a look of fear, lock your doors.
- Two words: Chicken suit.
- Write the words "Help me" on your back window in
red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.
- Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger
seat, when driving alone.
- Laugh a lot. A whole lot.
- Stop at the green lights.
- Go at the red ones.
- Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out
your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.
- Eat food that requires silverware.
- Pass cars, then drive very slowly.
- Sing without having the radio on.
- Honk frequently without motivation.
- Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look
and an obscene gesture.
- Ask people for Grey Poupon.
- Let pedestrians know who's boss.
- Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.
- Restart your car at every stop light.
- Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk
to them, stroking them lovingly.
- Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their
butts out the window.
- While stopped at a light, piss out the window/sunroof onto
- Paint your car with occult symbols.
- Keep at least five cats in the car.
- Have some passengers in the back who are having wild, noisy
- Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for firetrucks.
- Stop and collect roadkill.
- Stop and pray to roadkill.
- Throw Spam.
- Get in the fast lane and gradually ... slow ... down ...
to a stop. Then get out and watch the cars. Throw Spam at them.