Milpitas Mom's Favorite Jokes

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Biggest Lies

3 Biggest Software Lies:

  • The program's fully tested and bugfree.
  • We're working on the documentation.
  • Of course we can modify it.

3 Biggest Computer Room Lies:

  • As long as you remember to 'SAVE' your input, you'll never lose any files.
  • We run the stuff through as fast as it comes in the door.
  • The new machines on order.

3 Biggest Large Company Lies:

  • We have an entrepreneurial spirit here.
  • People are our greatest resource.
  • We say 'let the marketplace decide'.

3 Biggest Small Company Lies:

  • We have an entrepreneurial spirit here.
  • The boss is just one of the guys.
  • Staying small is a conscious decision.

3 Biggest Marketing Lies:

  • Immediate delivery?...No problem.
  • We treat every customer as if they were our most important.
  • We're going out to lunch to talk business.

3 Biggest Engineering Professor's Lies:

  • Some day this course will come in handy.
  • These tests are more trouble for me than they are for you.
  • This is the way they do it in industry.

3 Biggest Executive Lies:

  • Money...it's just a score card.
  • If it were up to me, there'd be no assigned parking spaces.
  • You have to twist my arm to get me to go on a business trip.

3 Biggest Undergraduate Student Starting Physics Lies:

  • There are plenty of jobs out there for Physics graduates.
  • You'll make lots of money in your professional career.
  • The general public respect Physicists.

3 Biggest Student Teacher Lies:

  • The school will help and support you all they can.
  • This teaching course is interesting and stimulating.
  • Kids today are just the same as when you went to school.

3 Biggest Advertising Lies:

  • This product will taste as good as it looks.
  • You really need our product.
  • If you use our product you will have sex with the same kinds of people as you see in our ad.

3 Biggest Mail Order Lies:

  • Delivery of your product will occur within 30 days of ordering it.
  • If you're not satisfied with our product we will guarantee a full refund.
  • We offer repair of your product free of charge with an accredited repairer in your home State.

3 Biggest Retail Industry Lies:

  • Our staff are courteous and considerate.
  • We try to help you with your problem.
  • You can exchange or get full refund on an item that you're not satisfied with.

3 Biggest Politician Lies:

  • I'll be factual and to the point.
  • I'll give you a straightforward answer to your question.
  • The government doesn't waste taxpayers money.

3 Biggest Parent Lies:

  • We're doing this for your own interest.
  • You can have that (do that) later (when you're older).
  • The family can't afford it now.

3 Biggest Supermodels Lies:

  • Women normally look like that.
  • Women should look like that.
  • Fasting and dieting is good for your health.

3 Biggest Beer Ads Lies:

  • Drinking beer is for macho men only.
  • You'll meet good lifelong friends drinking beer in a bar.
  • Women think drunken loudmouths are sexy.

3 Biggest Life Lies:

  • ...and they lived happily ever after.
  • Dying is painless.
  • Things have gotten so bad that they couldn't possibly get worse.