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Signs You've Had Too Much Java

From John Murrell's column in the Mercury News

"Considering the amount of java (that's lowercase; don't want to annoy Sun Microsystems) I'm consuming as I try to gear up and catch up after a week off, I thought this would be an appropriate Monday offering: a list snagged out of the e-mail ether and passed along by faithful contributor Mark Allen outlining some signs that you may be drinking too much coffee:"

  1. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
  2. You answer the door before people knock.
  3. You sleep with your eyes open.
  4. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
  5. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
  6. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
  7. The only time you're standing still is in an earthquake.
  8. You lick your coffeepot clean.
  9. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
  10. You can type sixty words a minute ... with your feet.
  11. All your kids are named Joe.
  12. People get dizzy just watching you.
  13. People can test their batteries in your ears.
  14. When someone asks, "How are you?" you say, "Good to the last drop."
  15. You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
  16. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.