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On the Job
Signs You've Had Too Much Java
From John Murrell's column in the Mercury News
"Considering the amount of java (that's lowercase; don't
want to annoy Sun Microsystems) I'm consuming as I try to gear
up and catch up after a week off, I thought this would be an
appropriate Monday offering: a list snagged out of the e-mail
ether and passed along by faithful contributor Mark Allen outlining
some signs that you may be drinking too much coffee:"
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You answer the door before people knock.
- You sleep with your eyes open.
- You just completed another sweater and you don't know how
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
- The only time you're standing still is in an earthquake.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You can type sixty words a minute ... with your feet.
- All your kids are named Joe.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- People can test their batteries in your ears.
- When someone asks, "How are you?" you say, "Good to the
- You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
- You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.