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You Might Teach At Middle School If...

1. You can converse in middle schoolese.
2. You believe the staff room should be equipped with Valium salt licks.
3. You stand on your front porch instructing the neighbor children to "Walk!"
4. You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to only work 8 - 3 and have your summers free."
5. You refer to adults as "boys and girls."
6. You encourage your spouse by telling them they are a "good helper."
7. You believe chocolate is a major food group.
8. You can tell it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
9. You believe "extremely annoying" should have its own box on the report card.
10. When you are out in public you snap your fingers at kids who are misbehaving.
11. You give your spouse "the look" when they "misbehave."
12. You have no life from August through June.
13. Putting all "A"s on the report card would be so much easier.
14. You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce, earned by having worked in a middle school for 5 years.
15. You encourage a parent to check into homeschooling.
16. You don't want children of your own because there isn't a name you can hear that wouldn't elevate your blood pressure.
17. You believe in the spraying of Prozac in school ventilation systems.
18. You think that IV caffeine should be available in staff rooms.
19. Meeting a child's parent instantly answers: "Why is this kid like that?"