Milpitas Mom's Favorite Jokes
1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail your buddy who works at the desk next to you.
5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South America, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
6. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date.
7. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
8. You now consider the U.S. Mail painfully slow and/or call it "snail mail".
9. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
10. You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.
11. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
12. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a "9" to get an outside line.
13. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
14. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers".
15. Your resume is on a diskette you can carry in your pocket.
16. You really get excited about a 1.7% pay rise.
17. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
18. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your best jokes.
19. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
20. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
21. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.
22. Vacation time is something you roll over to next year.
23. You know exactly how many days you've got left until you retire.
24. Interviewees, despite not having the relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.
25. You're already late on the assignment you just got.
26. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
27. Your supervisor gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the latest features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours boots up.
28. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in the hospital.
29. Every week another brown collection envelope comes around because someone you DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WORKED THERE is leaving.
30. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department is short of, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.
AND THE CLINCHERS ARE
31. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
32. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends you send jokes to" e-mail group.
33. It crosses your mind that your jokes group may have seen this list already, but you don't have time to check so you forward it anyway.
34. You receive this email at work but you don't have time to read it so you send it to yourself at home, read it at 10:00 pm, then forward it!