Outsourcing of Jobs Reaches the President
by Staff Reporter Melynda Jill
Washington DC - Congress today announced that the Office of
President of the United States of America will be outsourced
to overseas interests as of June 30th, the end of this fiscal
year. The move is being made to save not only a significant portion
of the President's $400K yearly salary, but also a record $521
billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost
savings should be significant" stated Congressman
Christopher Lee (R-NY). Lee, with the aid of the GAO
(the General Accounting Office),
has studied outsourcing
of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain
competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash
outlay," Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus
Teleservices, Mumbai,
India will be assuming the Office of President of the United
States as of July 1.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents
were vacationing at Niagara
Falls, thus making him eligible
for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD)
a month but with no
health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr.
Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without
support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and
India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices
of the US Government will be open.
"Working
nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American
Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive
interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped
I would be President someday."
A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may
not be fully aware of all
the issues involved in the office
of President, this should not be a problem. Mr. Singh will
rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively
to most topics
of concern. Using this tree, he can address common concerns
without having to understand the underlying issues at all. "We
know these scripting tools work," stated the Spokesperson.
"Mr. Bush has used them successfully for years."
Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary
until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting
period, he will be eligible for $240 dollars a week unemployment
for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid
as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement
services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write
a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties
in securing a new position due to limited
practical work experience. One possibility is re-enlistment
in the Army National Guard. Should he choose this option,
he would likely be stationed in Iraq
, a country he has visited. "I've been there, I know all
about Iraq ," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge
of the country in a visit to the Baghdad
Airport nonsmoking terminal and gift shop.
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