Milpitas Mom's Favorite Jokes

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Amazing Facts

Camping With Sherlock Holmes
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip in the Sunol Regional Wilderness. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see."

Densa IQ Test
You've heard of MENSA the group for geniuses with IQ's of 140 and above?

Determining the Height of a Tall Building
Show how it is possible to determine the height of a tall building with the aid of a barometer.

Everyday Maxims
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Excellent Advice I've Learned From Watching Scary Movies
When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

Kids Talk About God & Their Mother
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1.- We're related.
2.- God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

New Vocabulary Words
Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Science Explained By Children
Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.

Short History of Medicine
I have an earache: 2000 B.C. -Here, eat this root.

Signs You've Had Too Much Java
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

US Standard Railroad Gauge
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 ft 8 1/2 in (1.44 m). That's an exceedingly odd number.

Value of Time
To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who has failed his exam.

Warnings & Instructions
On a package of bread-pudding mix: Product will be hot after heating.

Ways to Really Annoy Telemarketers
If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.